semi-illegal drug manufactured in the rural outscourts of Yellowknife of the Northwestern Terretories of Canada. Zolyxphenetridodecixoxydo – phicodezezine (from here on out I’ll call it just “The Z”) is a over the counter drug that relieves stress. It does this by actually nuetralizing (a.k.a. killing) all the cells in your body that are bitching at you to give them attention. Since there are no more bitching cells in your body after you take “The Z”, you have no stress. Unfortunetly, naturally bitchy people will die if they take the Z. Therefore it has been banished from the United States. Numerous accounts have been given of it being sold illegaly around the states. It is rumored that the creator of the Z was a Californian resident who died suddenly of a tumor brought on by natural causes. In his dying week he went to Yellowknife and passed on his secret formula to a hotel owner in the area. The rest from there is history.
*Disclaimer* Do not take zolyxphenetridodecixoxydo – phicodezezine with an excess of alcohol (unless you know you’re going to die anyway. it that is the case, who gives a shit what you drink?), fanta, lemonade mixed with perrier, or a non-alcoholic bloody mary . Do not drive, walk, or move within 3 hours before or after taking the Z. Do not operate machinery while taking Z, and make sure to be supervised by someone under the age of 16 while you take this medication. If you feel stomach cramps, muscle spasms, minor heart failure, and generally feel like shit, then its working. If side-affects last more than 24 hours, either contact a doctor or get really, really drunk. Zolyxphenetridodecixoxydo – phicodezezine is not for women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant, and is also not for men with ED, because the big Z would kick Viagra’s ass. The big Z is not responcible for any death’s related to the drug. The Z is taken in either capsule, powder, liquid, or intravenous form. We prefer powder because it makes your nose tingle (and perhaps fall off altogether). We hope you enjoy our product!
Mom: Aww, sweety, at least you’re not stressed!
Boy: I guess you’re right, mom!
Together: Thanks, Zolyxphenetridodecixoxydo – phicodezezine!