1) gives him or her and his or her friends rides when they are drunk;
2) fucks him or her when he or she is not too drunk or too busy to do so;
3) lonelily waits by the phone until he or she gets the okay to meet him or her out, only after he or she has determined that there are no other promising options for him or her that night;
4) laughs when he or she inconsiderately makes fun of everything he or she says and does; and/or
5) buys him or her cool things when he or she inevitably thinks of him or her when not doing all of the above.